you don’t understand i would sell my firstborn to know how this story started
Well it all started when Mrs. Hayfer wanted me to babysit her dumb house. When I got the keys, I sat them on top of this pie that I found on the counter. I knew it was going to be given to the family for desert if I didn’t eat it soon, so I was going to plan to eat it in my teacher’s house and dump all the crumbs on her bed. So it’s a win-win, right? Besides, she wouldn’t find out about the crumbs until after I was paid, and this teacher hates me anyway. Then, I got distracted when this hot cheerleader calls me, asking about what movie I’d recommend, but before I could answer, I realize that my mom would be there any second to serve dinner, and there was no way I was sharing that pie. So I bust out of there with the pie and the keys, and the moment I get in the house, I start chowing down on the pie with my bare hands, trying to eat this thing before anyone knows I took it, right? Well, since the pie crust was dry, I chugged a 2-liter bottle of soda whenever my throat would get dry and eventually, I really needed “to go.” Only when I went to flush, the water wouldn’t stop flowing and there was no plunger to be found. Usually I’d just shrug and say it was Josh’s fault or something, but let’s get real here, Mrs. Hayfer would’ve blamed me about her toilet overflowing if I was 30 states away. So I jammed my foot in there, hoping it’d make the toilet stop flushing. Then my phone rings, and I knew it was my mom, asking where her pie went, and because Meghan decided it’d be a great idea to make my ring tone a bunch of cats meowing, Mrs. Hayfer’s dog, Tiberius starts freaking out, bashing into the door over and over again. Now anyone who knows this dog knows that this dog will happily eat anything, and that includes the pie, and probably myself. So my foot’s totally stuck in there right, I’m freaking out, the dog’s having a seizure and I still got half a pie left.
i feel it necessary to reblog since i just read that whole thing
what if she’s not wearing underwear
well then the watch is magic were u not listening
sloth, pride, wrath, lust, greed, envy, gluttony.
“So it is a sword. It just acts like a key in specific situations.”
“Or it’s a key all the time and when you stick it in people, it unlocks their death.”
IT’S AN ACTUAL
Something about bedrooms with little hidden away nooks or split levels just really gets me
i would have no problems owning any
or allof these spaces
THE LAST ONE
call us brutal, sick, sadistic, and grotesquely optimistic
‘cause way down deep inside we’ve got a dream!
WHY IS THIS GIF SET NOT AROUND MORE?!
I like that they’re all so supportive of one another, but still decide to crack in skulls when they get mad.
Such good friends.
This is like, the opposite of that scene from High School musical where the guy admits he plays the cello